After a relationship, is there friendship?

After a relationship is there friendship

As soon as a love relationship ends, a multitude of feelings and emotions come to light.

Some will feel pain, sorrow… Others may feel more relief, but is it possible to reconnect with that person with whom one day you proclaimed that you would love all your life? It’s complicated but not impossible.

Breaking up with your partner is something that we have all experienced at some point in our lives, or probably you will if you have not yet had the opportunity. It is something that is part of the “endless cycle”, as some famous lions sang almost 23 years ago now. If there is only one positive aspect about breaking up, it is that it helps you, without a doubt, to mature and learn both from your mistakes and from those that you do not intend to tolerate in the person who pretends to be by your side; mistakes that have probably made your relationship something that, for a while, you would not like to talk about in order to heal the wound.

The question that we formulate then in this article is the following: Will this wound heal? We understand that “mourning” cannot last forever. In fact, if we look at the younger generations, we can see how after a few days they are already seen with another person holding hands… Oh, teenage love… How fleeting. But the purpose of these words is not to explain the habits of the youngest, but to know if this already mentioned “wound” heals in order to forgive the other and return to being the friends that one day you were, or start to be, according to the relationship you had behind your back.

love-relationshipThe society in which we live has shown us that being friends with that person with whom you wanted to go to hell if necessary is quite complicated. Why? Because all of us are complicated beings that make feelings and emotions go beyond the rationality of the matter. Which is totally normal, but also much more painful.

It is true that there are many cases there are people who, after putting aside “passionate love”, have managed to create a healthy relationship with which both enjoy and live happily. Nice, right? Unfortunately not everyone seems to act the same way. Somebody tell me how many movies you’ve seen where two people broke up and a vendetta was planned to hurt the other and/or even try to win them back in any way whatever the consequences had to be… I’m pretty sure that You will have counted a minimum of 5 examples while reading these words… Let me say that it is no coincidence, drama is something that sells, and something that we seem to enjoy.

That said, it would be interesting to analyze what was observed in a news item from the online newspaper; specifically an article written by Miguel Ayuso and entitled “The ten pretexts with which he cheats on you to continue being friends with your ex”. In this it is explained to us how sometimes, despite wanting to make an effort to continue maintaining a relationship, in this case of friendship, with the other person, it happens that it does not turn out to be the best for both of us. That is why the studies carried out by Juliana Breines (specialist in social relations at Brandeis University, in Massachusetts) are mentioned, in which different ways are shown that we tend to resort to being friends with our exes but that we should never follow:

  • You share friends: being part of the same group of friends is something really difficult to deal with. You don’t want anyone to side with anyone, but it’s inevitable; the
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Fear of commitment in the couple

Fear of commitment in the couple

Have you ever wondered what is the origin of the inability to commit? The words fear and abandonment are the main causes that seek to avoid this situation.

Why does fear of commitment occur?

Fear of commitment is, put another way, fear of everything that love implies. Let’s take a generalized case: the woman complains about a lack of commitment on the part of the man, and he reveals himself because he feels pressured. The request by the woman is due, most of the time, to the fear of abandonment . On the other hand, the resistance that man imposes is explained by the fear that he has of having his space invaded .

But behind that “lack of commitment” and that “complaint” that both star, what we find is a couple who is afraid of suffering. Next, we will try to understand a little more what this observation consists of.

Fear of commitment in the couple

To feel scared

The fear that is felt is mutually fed by both partners, and can lead the two people to a state of crisis and even separation, before even becoming something that can be considered “formal”. Therefore, it is very important to understand, in the first place, what love consists of and to test ourselves in this situation. We must ask ourselves how much and how what the other person says or does affects us and has an impact on us . We must bear in mind that everyone, without the exception of any relationship, has felt helpless at some point, because being afraid of loss is a very common situation.

And it is that every time we feel that we are falling in love with someone, all the emotions that we already lived long ago return to us , and not only the happy moments, but also those in which fear and frustration have been present.

Role conflict

As for the fear of invasion that we talked about earlier, deep down it is the fear of ceasing to be oneself . This phase was experienced to a greater extent by men, a fact that is explained by the traditionality of giving each other greater responsibility for the material and emotional well-being of the relationship, although the roles are increasingly changing and becoming equal on both sides.

Yes, there are ways to avoid or overcome this “problem”: know the thoughts of the other person, set certain limits and learn to say “no” . And to achieve this, it is necessary to internalize that no one is essential, something that many people who live as a couple still find it difficult to accept.

Redirect the relationship

The way that the person who lives with the fear of being abandoned has to surrender is not absolute either due to the fear of being alone, which seeks to calm him with the possession and control of the other person . When he understands that he must accept the other as he is, it will be when he begins to trust himself and establish a dialogue with the person next to him.

If we are able to open ourselves, then we can open up and know what happens to the other. Committing to love is, first of all, committing to oneself and to what we feel , and being brave translates into looking for our fears and facing them.

Make the commitment strong

If we really love the person next to us, why are we scared of commitment? If someone really loves us, why not go one step further? Below, we list a series of steps to identify what puts barriers to a stable relationship and help overcome them:

  • Listen and understand your feelings
  • Accept and
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Extra-marital relationship: what to do when romantic feelings get involved?

Extra-marital relationship

From date to date, you experience feelings for your lover/mistress. Should you break up immediately? Franck Ancel, psychoanalyst, enlightens us on the subject.

Many women, but also men, live adulteries, which sometimes evolve into real love stories. The question then arises of questioning his couple and his family life. The psychoanalyst Franck Ancel delivers some answers.

An inventory

“The birth of feelings of love is the opportunity to rethink your relationship as a couple, either to strengthen it or to question it, even if it means questioning your relationship with your lover / mistress, underlines Franck Ancel. This situation can be an opportunity to put love back at the heart of your life and see which side love is real.” With the official or the lover/mistress? This allows you to regain a new dimension of love and more specifically sexual. “It’s not about being moral but about finding yourself with your official or unofficial partner, to take stock of yourself.”

Talk about

You can never tell your husband/wife everything and the important thing is to keep the trust that has been built up over the years together. Similarly, at the unofficial, you have to stay true to what you said to yourself during the meeting. ” It is important to remember the values, the expectations . There may be a pact to weave with his lover/mistress.”

End the relationship?

Unlike the Rita Mitsouko song, “Love always ends badly”, one can imagine that love can allow you to accept everything and let yourself be carried away by the feeling of love. The question is how to protect yourself. “It all depends on his story, for some people it’s a first time, for others it’s common. The way to act also depends on the balance of his story, his relationship to the feeling of love and to compose with. Then we decide to stop the extra-marital relationship or the official one.”… full article

These are the things that singles like most on their first date

These are the things that singles like most on their first date

The first date is coming up and you want to show yourself from your best side. The first impression is crucial here. But which behaviour is particularly popular when getting to know each other? A study provides information.

He actually pays the bill on the first date – the man , the woman, or is the bill split? The question arises over and over again and everyone sees things differently: While some find it a nice gesture to be invited, others insist on their independence. So what’s the best way to act?

As part of a current survey by the market and opinion research institute YouGov , 1,335 singles (women and men aged 18 and over) in Germany were interviewed on behalf of customers . The aim of the survey was to find out which things go down particularly well when you first get to know them. It turned out that the majority likes it more classic. You will find out what exactly is meant by this after you answer the following question:

What’s the perfect place for a first date?

Young-woman-exiting-taxi-cab-London-EnglandHolding the door open is not a must, but it attracts attention
Even if it sounds a bit old-fashioned: Women in particular still seem to prefer classic gentlemanly behavior. Overall, 44 percent of those surveyed said that although it was not absolutely necessary to open the door, move the chair closer or take off your coat, it did make a good impression. For 13 percent, such gestures are very important.

With heterosexual women, these classic gestures are still crucial when getting to know each other, according to the survey. More than half of them stated that they rate it as very positive if, for example, their partner pays the bill. The older the single women get, the more important a courteous behavior becomes. Only every fifth woman thinks these dating patterns are outdated, but eleven percent don’t care.

The traditional ideas of how to behave on a date are rather unimportant for men: around 28 percent consider them to be out of date. Only one in three believes that they make a good impression on women – and yet they do not consider them to be particularly important.

Sabine Schöler, who commissioned the survey and CEO of the online partner exchange LemonSwan, believes that many people still perceive the courtship of women by men as positive, even if it is not a must, reflects the zeitgeist:

CEO Lemon Swan

When it comes to a relationship, many want a partnership on an equal footing

when it comes to relationshipWhile many still find a certain gap in the potential partnership sexy when they get to know each other, it looks a little different in a steady relationship : Only four percent of the respondents state “classic role distributions” as a wish for a partnership – but 33 percent want a partner Eye level.

Only one approval rating is higher: that for a long-term relationship. That is what 39 percent of singles in Germany would like when they think about a partnership.

Conclusion: If you date a woman as a man, the likelihood is relatively high that she will at least not hold your gentlemanly behavior against you. But if it becomes more, eye level is the order of the day – and the intention is to stay together for a long time.… full article

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