After a relationship, is there friendship?

After a relationship is there friendship

As soon as a love relationship ends, a multitude of feelings and emotions come to light.

Some will feel pain, sorrow… Others may feel more relief, but is it possible to reconnect with that person with whom one day you proclaimed that you would love all your life? It’s complicated but not impossible.

Breaking up with your partner is something that we have all experienced at some point in our lives, or probably you will if you have not yet had the opportunity. It is something that is part of the “endless cycle”, as some famous lions sang almost 23 years ago now. If there is only one positive aspect about breaking up, it is that it helps you, without a doubt, to mature and learn both from your mistakes and from those that you do not intend to tolerate in the person who pretends to be by your side; mistakes that have probably made your relationship something that, for a while, you would not like to talk about in order to heal the wound.

The question that we formulate then in this article is the following: Will this wound heal? We understand that “mourning” cannot last forever. In fact, if we look at the younger generations, we can see how after a few days they are already seen with another person holding hands… Oh, teenage love… How fleeting. But the purpose of these words is not to explain the habits of the youngest, but to know if this already mentioned “wound” heals in order to forgive the other and return to being the friends that one day you were, or start to be, according to the relationship you had behind your back.

love-relationshipThe society in which we live has shown us that being friends with that person with whom you wanted to go to hell if necessary is quite complicated. Why? Because all of us are complicated beings that make feelings and emotions go beyond the rationality of the matter. Which is totally normal, but also much more painful.

It is true that there are many cases there are people who, after putting aside “passionate love”, have managed to create a healthy relationship with which both enjoy and live happily. Nice, right? Unfortunately not everyone seems to act the same way. Somebody tell me how many movies you’ve seen where two people broke up and a vendetta was planned to hurt the other and/or even try to win them back in any way whatever the consequences had to be… I’m pretty sure that You will have counted a minimum of 5 examples while reading these words… Let me say that it is no coincidence, drama is something that sells, and something that we seem to enjoy.

That said, it would be interesting to analyze what was observed in a news item from the online newspaper; specifically an article written by Miguel Ayuso and entitled “The ten pretexts with which he cheats on you to continue being friends with your ex”. In this it is explained to us how sometimes, despite wanting to make an effort to continue maintaining a relationship, in this case of friendship, with the other person, it happens that it does not turn out to be the best for both of us. That is why the studies carried out by Juliana Breines (specialist in social relations at Brandeis University, in Massachusetts) are mentioned, in which different ways are shown that we tend to resort to being friends with our exes but that we should never follow:

  • You share friends: being part of the same group of friends is something really difficult to deal with. You don’t want anyone to side with anyone, but it’s inevitable; the tension is chewed in the environment, and if you are forced to have to see your ex in every meeting, things will surely not be solved
  • You feel lonely: there are times when you don’t want to suddenly get rid of everything you shared with your former partner, but you shouldn’t fall into the spiral of contacting them just to keep each other company because there is no one else to share the grief with. Wrong. You won’t stop coming back together and coming apart again. Do you really want to have such a bad time?
  • You want to keep that person in the bedroom: there are people, probably toxic, who do not rule out trying again with their ex in case new relationships do not turn out to be optimal. Again, wrong. I wouldn’t do it if I were you; If at any time you loved that person, let her fly and do not subject her to your most basic needs.
  • One of the two still feels things: probably one of the most obvious reasons why you should not see each other until you get out of bed every morning and do not have the feeling that someone is missing by your side.

Trying to maintain a relationship, even a friendship, with someone you still love is something that will cause you real pain. You will not be able to get that person out of your head and you will be day and night thinking about what would have happened if either of you had not made those mistakes that ended your relationship. The best thing is not to cross the street; let each one make a life of it, at least until you have remade it, with someone else or on your own.

Be that as it may, a priori it is not at all easy to maintain a friendship with that person with whom you used to go to bed; That is why we must impose our “mental health” and not let the pain that the breakup can cause make us resentful or even obsessive. If you are one of those who are not interested in drama, let me tell you that IT IS POSSIBLE. It is only necessary that both you and your ex-partner know the terms of the friendship contract that you are going to sign.

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