Have you ever wondered what is the origin of the inability to commit? The words fear and abandonment are the main causes that seek to avoid this situation.
Why does fear of commitment occur?
Fear of commitment is, put another way, fear of everything that love implies. Let’s take a generalized case: the woman complains about a lack of commitment on the part of the man, and he reveals himself because he feels pressured. The request by the woman is due, most of the time, to the fear of abandonment . On the other hand, the resistance that man imposes is explained by the fear that he has of having his space invaded .
But behind that “lack of commitment” and that “complaint” that both star, what we find is a couple who is afraid of suffering. Next, we will try to understand a little more what this observation consists of.
Fear of commitment in the couple
To feel scared
The fear that is felt is mutually fed by both partners, and can lead the two people to a state of crisis and even separation, before even becoming something that can be considered “formal”. Therefore, it is very important to understand, in the first place, what love consists of and to test ourselves in this situation. We must ask ourselves how much and how what the other person says or does affects us and has an impact on us . We must bear in mind that everyone, without the exception of any relationship, has felt helpless at some point, because being afraid of loss is a very common situation.
And it is that every time we feel that we are falling in love with someone, all the emotions that we already lived long ago return to us , and not only the happy moments, but also those in which fear and frustration have been present.
As for the fear of invasion that we talked about earlier, deep down it is the fear of ceasing to be oneself . This phase was experienced to a greater extent by men, a fact that is explained by the traditionality of giving each other greater responsibility for the material and emotional well-being of the relationship, although the roles are increasingly changing and becoming equal on both sides.
Yes, there are ways to avoid or overcome this “problem”: know the thoughts of the other person, set certain limits and learn to say “no” . And to achieve this, it is necessary to internalize that no one is essential, something that many people who live as a couple still find it difficult to accept.
Redirect the relationship
The way that the person who lives with the fear of being abandoned has to surrender is not absolute either due to the fear of being alone, which seeks to calm him with the possession and control of the other person . When he understands that he must accept the other as he is, it will be when he begins to trust himself and establish a dialogue with the person next to him.
If we are able to open ourselves, then we can open up and know what happens to the other. Committing to love is, first of all, committing to oneself and to what we feel , and being brave translates into looking for our fears and facing them.
Make the commitment strong
If we really love the person next to us, why are we scared of commitment? If someone really loves us, why not go one step further? Below, we list a series of steps to identify what puts barriers to a stable relationship and help overcome them:
- Listen and understand your feelings
- Accept and face your fears
- Take a look at your past
- Change attitudes that were not appropriate
- Explain, share your fears